ETERNALLY SHIFTING TIMELINE (…OF WINE, BEER AND BUSINESS)

6000 – 5000 B.C.E. – Archaeological Evidence Suggests Earliest Wine Production in Georgia and Iran. Cave Drawings Suggest Pregnant Cave-Women Should Not Operate Heavy Rocks or Drink During Continuation of Human Species – Meanwhile, Alphabet Is Being Invented.

 

3500 – 3100 B.C.E. – Earliest Chemical Evidence of Beer found Godin Tepe in Zagros Mountains West of Iran; Archaeologists Unearth Aluminum Cans and Concert Tickets.

 

2150 – 2000 B.C.E. - Epic of Gilgamesh in Sumerian Format Mentions Enkidu Drinking Beer. Enkidu, ‘Wild Man,’ Literature’s First Hop-Head.

 

1600 – 1100 B.C.E. – Mycenaean Greece Impregnates Mother Myth With Many Great Stories of Dionysus — Centuries Later All Stories Concerning Bacchus, Bacchantes, Mosaics, Broken Vases, Tigers, Nudism and Revelry All Proven True as a Red Convertible Bellies Out of a ‘Kegger’ in Louisville to Head Somewhere Around Barstow on the Edge of the Desert.

 

207 B.C.E. – Chrysippus is Said to Have Died from Laughter After Giving Wine to His Donkey and Seeing it Attempt to Eat Figs.

 

23 – 79 C.E. – Pliny the Elder, The Original O.G.; Greatness Precedes the Words “Steer to Where Pomponianus Is” and “Come Back A Man.”

 

1031 – 1035 C.E. – Shen Kuo’s Dream Pool Essays Mentions “Nine Guests” (jjuke) for Drinking Wine, Playing the Guqin Zither, Chess, Zen Buddhist Meditation, Ink, Alchemy, Chanting, Poetry and Conversation. History is Reminded of Marcus Varro’s Maxim 1,000 Years Earlier:

“The Guests at a Dinner Table Should be no Fewer than the Graces but should not Exceed the Muses, that is to say, no Fewer than Three and no More than Nine.”

 

1048 C.E. – Simultaneous Birth of Omar Khayyam and Persian Wine Poetry Solves Humankind’s Existential Problem of Loneliness:

“A Jug of Wine, A Loaf of Bread – / And Thou Beside Me Singing in the Wilderness”

 

1244 C.E. – Rumi Meets Shams al-Din of Tabriz, Justification Given to Alley Drunkards As They Are Given the Poetic Opportunity to Express Themselves in Street Rambles:

 “There are thousands of wines / that can take over our minds”

and

“Until the juice ferments a while in the cask, / It isn’t wine. If you wish your heart to be bright, / You must do a little work.”

 

1353 C.E. – Hafiz Lays it Down On Wax:

“Wine-worship is a noble task, O Hafiz; / Rise and advance firmly to your noble task.”

 

1516 C.E. – Barley and Hops Win First Legal Victory, Reinheitsgebot.

 

1919 C.E. – President Woodrow Wilson Vetoes the “Volstead Act.” Volstead Act Passes. Mad Props to Woodrow for at Least Trying…

 

 1930 C.E. – Ben Hecht and his Screenwriting Bandits Write the Legendary Words to Business in Scarface, “Do It First, Do It Yourself, and Keep on Doin’ It.” Afterwards Guino Rinaldo Asks if Someone Else Will Take Credit for His Glory, Steal His Ideas and Meanwhile Make More Money In the Process.

 

1933 C.E. – Volstead Act Determined “Unconstitutional.” Wiley Post First Person To Fly Solo Around World. Gandhi’s Three Week Hunger Strike. Great Depression is in Full Swing. Era Between Two World Wars.

Humankind Needs A Drink Like Never Before.

 

2008 C.E. – The WINE Sutra is Founded on the Principles of Integrity, Authenticity and Value.

 

2009 A.B.E.A (All Bottles Emptied Era) – Brad L. Nichols seeks employment to fund his habitual search of the Holy Grail. Bryant Distributing takes pity on Eternal Palate Traveler. As Always, Greatness Begins With a Group of People that Set Out to Have Fun and Change the World. Special Thanks to the Winemakers, Brewmasters, Master Distillers, Restaurants, Retailers, Suppliers and other Blessed Souls That Have Made It All Possible – And I Look Forward To Working With You Soon!

Send Comments via e-mail to: brad.lee.nichols@gmail.com 

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